you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so let's talk penis.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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