I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
