My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He shit in the fireplace
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
