so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
