so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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