i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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