I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's blow job season.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
