I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
