She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
