I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
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I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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