K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
