so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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