Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
