So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
