Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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