is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize