Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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