i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We left the knife in your bed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
