So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
