smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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