I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
