Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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