Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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