you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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