Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
