I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
