Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
