you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
