This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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