i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
