can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize