i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
