this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
