Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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