Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
