I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
