We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
