Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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