i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
