I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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