The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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