My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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