he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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