i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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