the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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