Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
