Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
