nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
