And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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