dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
