It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my being single is dangerous.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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