party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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