so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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