I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
