Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
