how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
