I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
