You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Two words: blizzard sex
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
