He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I need moral support for this bender
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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