well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
