I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
