You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
