Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
