its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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