Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
