i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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