the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
