Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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