U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
