I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
