is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
