Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
