I wish I could teleport
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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