smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
