Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
